This website was created in the memory of our beloved brother and son, Clint Reagan, who was born in May 1985 and passed away in August 2005 at the age of 20. Clint is very much alive in our hearts and always will be. He is and will continue to be as much as a part of our lives in spirit as he ever was.
"The love that is in a parent's heart stays deep, strong and true. No matter where you go, that love is there with you". Quote by Edgar Cayce.
Picture by Blake
Candy Lightner, founder of Madd, says, "Grief has a beginning, a middle and the rest of our lives."
In the beginning this unspeakable loss was so big, it was hard to find our voice. There were times that it was hard just to breath. We felt our loss in every cell of our being and down to the core of our soul.
We miss Clint deeply, as we are trying to find ways to balance our pain and our boundless love.
Thank you for visiting Clint's site. We want to thank everyone for the thoughts and remembrances, because they warm our hearts beyond measure.
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass....It's about learning to dance in the rain." Unknown author
Listening Hearts -A Gathering of Bereaved Moms
Saturday, November 5, 2016
3:00 p.m. to 5:00 p.m.
Christus Victor Lutheran Church
4110 Central Ave. Pike
Knoxville, TN 37912
Saturday, November 5, 2016
10 am-12 noon
Walters State Community College
500 South Davy Crockett Parkway
Rm 105, Humanities Complex
Morristown, TN 37813
Saturday, Nov. 19, 2016
10 am-12 noon
Redeemer Lutheran Church
1658 Roane State Hwy.
Harriman, TN 37748
"As we learn to carry these feelings, we realize there is room in our hearts for more than the pain and anguish of separation. I hope one day you find you have peace along side of the pain."
Everyone was so excited when Clint came into our lives that beautiful day in May. While we were at the hospital the day he was born, back home the contractor began work on our new home. (Now every time the subject comes up about how long we have lived in this house, we think of Clint. Some days it seems all thoughts lead back to Clint.) We were a young family with many hopes and dreams. Clint was a delightful child and made our family of four complete. He was this adorable bundle of joy and love. He was very affectionate and loved to cuddle.
Clint's older brother, Blake, told every visitor, "He is our baby and you can't take him with you." That was the beginning of a brotherly love that continued throughout their lives. This was a precious time in our lives!
As Clint grew from our baby to our little boy, his love for animals grew. The line in the poem, little boys are made of snakes, snails and puppy dog tails, could have been used to describe Clint. As a small boy, he could spend the afternoon outside carrying around a caterpillar so he could share it with his dad when he got home.
We purchased one hamster from the pet store and a few weeks later we had a cage full. One of his favorite things to do when he was young was to carry a baby hamster piggyback in the hood of his sweatshirt.
We had our share of pets: dogs, cats, hamsters, a rabbit, ducks, chickens, and fish. Years later I learned the stray dog we had for 16 years had a little coaxing when she chose our house out of all the others in the neighborhood. Our pet population continued to grow. Later, Clint was so proud when he was able to locate an orange kitten that needed a home because his brother had always wanted one. Of course, he chose a kitten for himself also. Clint was always bringing home treats and toys for the cats even as he grew older.
Many years ago while on vacation Clint's love for fishing began. At the beach he could spend hours walking along the waters edge catching small fish in his net. The fish were released for another day. Once he came across a baby hammerhead shark at the shoreline. That was an exciting day for a little boy!
We still get a laugh out of the time we were fishing from a pier, and Clint made it a fishing competition with Nanny. He tried to keep up with every fish she caught so he could make sure he caught at least one more. The conditions were right and they both caught many fish that day.
Clint's love for fishing continued, and a love for other sports grew. He was a team player and loved the years he played on the school basketball team. What he lacked in skill, he seemed to make up with enthusiasm. He seemed to be able to lift the spirits of his teammates whenever he went into the game.
During those elementary school years, Clint also played baseball. He found pleasure in everything connected to sports; playing, watching, and collecting cards.
Once we traveled to Chicago so both guys could attend a baseball game between their two favorite teams and see a few of their favorite players. We also visited Shedd Aquarium and rode the "L" train. He later turned this experience into an award winning social studies project.
It seemed sports were always on his mind. When Clint was young, he would practice signing his name in hopes of one day being a famous baseball player that would be asked to autograph baseball cards. Perhaps now he will be the angel in the outfield.
Our son had many good friends and they were important to him. Although, Clint was not a morning person, after a good hug he was anxious to go to school and be with those friends. (Clint freely gave hugs, but little did I know I was storing hugs that would have to last me a lifetime.)
His friendships continued for years. Alan said it seemed as though he took Clint to every birthday party in the county. A friend shared with me recently, how Clint always brought the best birthday gifts. I think he was secretly trying to make sure he got good ones in return. :)
I think Clint viewed school as a place to spend time with one's friends instead of a place to learn. But he did like reading and attended summer reading programs at the local library. Later, he helped out there also. And Clint excelled in spelling. With him around, I never needed a spell checker.
Our youngest son participated in many clubs and activities. He attended YOKE Ministries after school. Each summer he looked forward to attending 4-H camp. I will never forget the first time I put him on the bus for camp. Neither will I ever forget the smell in his suitcase of wet dirty clothes when he arrived back home at the end of the week.
Later, he even became a camp counselor. He found it rewarding to help the young campers that were homesick or the "homesickees" as he called them. Clint said he did it because he remembered his first time away from home and the how he felt. (Now, I often think of him as assisting the little ones in Heaven.)
He loved to joke and act silly at times. Well, honestly most of the time. Clint wanted everyone to be happy and he seemed to have a talent at always making people laugh.
During the high school years, Clint had some ups and downs. Despite this, he always had a smile. He ran track his freshman year and sports were still a part of his life. His enjoyment of fishing continued; although, it was during a fishing trip that he sustained a serious and permanent eye injury. This did not keep him from other activities. (Now his troubles are gone and his eye sight is perfect. We try to find small condolences where we can.)
One summer, Clint visited Australia
and New Zealand
as the People to People student program. He cherished those memories and hoped to return to Australia
one day. The leaders of the trip had cautioned the parents against expecting too much communication from their child during the trip because of the busy schedule. We were so pleased to hear from Clint often and still cherish those precious notes and emails.
We have the memories of many family activities to hold in our hearts, but they will never be a substitute for having him here with us.
Clint enjoyed life and so many things in it: board games, video games, miniature golf as well as white water rafting.
He found joy in collecting items. Over the years he collected Pez dispensers and he had a sizable collection of them. We learned the hard way they can be like dominoes lined up; when one fell, they would all fall. (All these memories and more we hold in our hearts.)
We have our memories of all the holidays and trips. Fall was probably his favorite time of the year. He looked forward to all the activities with the season; football, Halloween, corn mazes, haunted houses, and Thanksgiving.
Alan, Clint and I would get up very early the day after Thanksgiving, fight the crowds and shop the sales. We felt lucky to have had a teen that still wanted to go places with his parents.
As much as Clint liked holiday shopping, Halloween was probably one of his favorite fall holidays. For several years as a family project, we would hand out candy as volunteers at the local zoo. We had plans to celebrate Halloween at Disney that October. Even though that trip never came about, we have the memories of many other family vacations. He never seemed too old to have his picture made with the characters at Walt Disney World.
We have so many precious memories to help fill the empty spaces in our hearts. But there will always be a hole left there after Clint died.
After high school, Clint signed up to attend a community college and began going to classes. In the meantime he worked with his father at an engineering company. He considered his father his best friend.
Clint spent his time like most young people: listening to music, playing video games, looking at cars, spending time with his girlfriend, talking on the phone and shopping vintage T-shirts. He and his brother enjoyed watching various shows together, such as: Cops, and Orange County Choppers. They enjoyed teasing each other and in general being typical brothers.
Clint put his time and money into making custom changes to his car. He had numerous other interests. He enjoyed going to the zoo and Dollywood. He loved spending time with friends. For awhile he worked out at the local gym.
He liked attending UT football, and baseball games. He followed a variety of sports and teams. Some of his favorites were Auburn, Florida, Georgia, North Carolina and Chicago White Sox.
We were blessed to have shared a wonderful childhood with Clint and to have had 20 years together. But, our beloved son and brother left us too soon. We miss his big hugs and bright smiles so much. We miss his singing, his whistling, his laughs, and the smell of his favorite cologne. We also miss the joyous moments he brought to the family.
We still look for him to come walking through the door, instead he walks through our hearts. One always knew when Clint was in the room. Heck, we knew when he was anywhere in the house. We miss the way he filled a room and filled the house. Edna St. Vincent Millay wrote, "The presence of that absence is everywhere."
This is one of Clint's favorites pictures. He labeled it Sexy Man.
"I'm glad we had the times together just to laugh and sing a song, seems like we just got started and then before you know it, the times we had together were gone." ~Dr. Seuss
"They say that time in heaven is compared to 'the blink of an eye' for us on this earth. Sometimes it helps me to think of my child running ahead of me through a beautiful field of wildflowers and butterflies; so happy and completely caught up in what he is doing that when he looks behind him, I'll already be there."
"The most important thing that survives death is love. It's what we are made of, what we communicate with, and what we ultimately return to. Most spirits come to us from love, to let us know they still care, sometimes to warn us or to complete unfinished business, and mostly to connect heart to heart with us again. Love will always be our lifeline--to the spirits around us, the people who are still on this plane, and to the universal unconditional love that is God."
from the book, Questions from Earth Answers from Heaven, by Char Margolis
"There are no goodbyes for us. Wherever you are You will always be in our hearts." ---Mahatma Ghandi